2.01

Situation      

Perception

Interpretation

Feelings

Behaviour

Outcome

Saying no

Confrontation

Argument

Uncomfortable

Say yes (passive)

Loss of rights

Saying no

Lose control

Soft touch

Angry

Refuse (aggressive)

Deny others rights

Saying no

 Personal rights

Discussion

Confident

Say no (assertive)

 Assert rights
Look back at the answers you gave to each question in the quiz in Activity 1. Can you match your behaviour to the patterns outlined in the chart?
Make some notes below.
Depending on the answers you gave, you might recognise your behaviour as being passive, aggressive or assertive.
e.g.
1.01 If someone is rude to you, do you
a) ignore it
b) demand an apology
c) become rude back
If you ignore it because you are afraid and you hope the problem goes away, that would be passive behaviour.
If you ignore it because you know that responding to it will just make things worse and you don’t let it worry you, that could be seen as being assertive.
If you demand an apology in an angry way, that would be aggressive behaviour.
If, however, you calmly suggest that this rudeness is inappropriate and unprofessional, you may get an apology because you have exercised your assertive right to be treated with respect.
 
Aggressive
Passive
Assertive
Verbal
3.01		 Dismissive, excessive use of ‘I’
Threatening, sarcastic		 Apologetic, ‘I ought’,
'I should?'		 Direct, clear, ‘I feel…’
'I need...'
Tone
3.02		 Fast, loud, hard, emphatic Weak, hesitant, trails off at end Steady, sincere
Facial
3.03		 Staring, tense
glaring eye contact		 Eyes lowered, half smiles
head down     		Steady eye contact
open expression, interested
Posture
3.04		 Busy gestures, leaning forward, rigid
finger pointing		 Cowering, shrinking
nervous movements		 Relaxed, open
upright
The quiz in Activity 1 asked you to consider what kind of response you would give in different work-related situations. Let’s take a closer look at the language that could be used effectively in some of those situations.
4.01 You’ve sent an email asking for some urgent info, but there has been no response.
a) send another email, but more strongly-worded (Possible but may provoke a negative reaction)
b) go and talk to the person face to face (Personal approach, good – what are you going to say, though?)
c) try and make do without the info (Not an option – you need the info and have a right to expect it)

If b) is the best response, you need to decide what you are going to say.
e.g.
‘Hi Bob. How are things? Just wanted to follow up on my e-mail. I really need the figures for last month that I asked you for earlier. I have a presentation tomorrow, so why don’t we have a look at them now.’
4.02 Someone asks you to do something for them, but you already have too much to do.
a) tell them to leave it with you and that you’ll do it if you have time (Not very satisfactory for either person)
b) tell them that you will find time to do it (Will you? When?)
c) tell them you have too much work and to give it to someone else. (Perfectly reasonable – what exactly are you going to say though?)
If we accept that c) is the best response, you need to decide what you are going to say.
Write some ideas below.
e.g.
‘Sorry Jill, I’d love to help, but I have a hundred and one things to get finished by the end of today. I just don’t have the time at the moment, I’m afraid.’
Look at these responses to (unreasonable) demands.
Can you make them less blunt and more assertive? Can you also look at options for a win-win situation. Look at the example to help you.
5.0 “No!”
e.g. “No. I’m sorry, I won’t be able to help you with that today. I’m free tomorrow afternoon, however, and I’d be happy to run through the draft with you then.”
5.01 “Why?!”
e.g. ‘I’m sorry, I’m not really sure why you need me for that. Wouldn’t it be better to ask Tanya? It’s really her area of expertise.’
5.02 “I can’t.”
e.g. ‘I’m afraid I can’t. I don’t have the details with me. If you’d like to call me back this afternoon I’ll let you know then. Otherwise, you could call Anjoo, she probably has the information on file.’
5.03 “I’m busy.”
e.g. ‘I’m afraid I’m [busy/tied up/in a meeting/got to finish this report]. I’ll have some time later this afternoon if you still need me to help.’
5.04 “That’s not in my contract.”
e.g. ‘I’d be interested in taking on this project, but we would need to look at making some changes my contract. It would mean quite a lot of extra responsibility and I would have to be compensated for that.’
5.05 “You cannot be serious.”
e.g. ‘Sorry Jackie, but this is just not possible. We’ve talked about this before and I thought we had agreed that this would not happen again.’
In this lesson you have:
considered how effective a communicator you are
looked at how language can be used to achieve win-win situations
In this study block – Work: Self development – you have explored a series of important issues related to the professional world and have seen how they are linked. For example, stress is often related to poor time management which is often due to not being able to say no i.e. lack of assertiveness. The lessons in this block should have guided you towards a better understanding of how these issues relate to you and what steps you can take for your personal development in this area.

The next LearnEnglish Professionals e-m@il lessons study block focuses on how to create effective teams in the workplace.